George Bush: The Musical
by mr.wolfman
Summary: n a parallel universe all hell is breaking loose as a young George bush faces of against the worst threats high school can offer. this sometimes heartwarming always crazy tale is ripe with jokes that will make you laugh for days if they don't disturb you.


SCENE 1

MrWolfman here, i just wanted to tell you guys a few things  
about this script before i post it.

first about the script itself. this was written in script  
format but the site keeps messing it up so i hope this doesn't annoy you. you can find a better version at TongueHead . com also this was written back in 2006 when a George bush inspired comedy wasn't so cliche.

i wrote this with the dream of performing this with my high  
school buddies but as the years have gone by i am giving up  
hope that it will ever happen. that being said i at least  
want some one to see this. so i hope you enjoy it or hate it  
if you are some were in the middle i have failed as a  
writer. with that enjoy.

EXT. The United States of High School- morning

kids are talking and scattered about as they wait for the  
bell to ring.

soon, a car drives into frame from the bottom of the screen.

cut to a shot of the rear tire. soon the car door opens and  
a shoe steps out pan up to see gorge bush.

cut to barbra bush running around the car she is visibly  
excited and holding a disposable camera, witch she  
constantly uses.

soon the rest of the gang get out of the car and stand in a  
group around George.

George, Laura, Rumsfeld, enter behind Barbra Bush, as she  
shows them the school.

BARBRA BUSH  
Isn't this great. senior year.  
summers over back to school. (turns  
to group) Tell me its great.

The kids look uneasy of their environment, but try Their  
best to fake enthusiasm. they are all sporting frowns except  
when barbra looks at them then they do there best to fake a  
smile.

GEORGE BUSH  
Its...great

LAURA LANE WELCH  
It looks like...fun

DONALD RUMSFELD  
I'm...excited

barbra pops up beside Donald and puts her hand on his  
shoulder.

BARBRA BUSH  
(seductively)  
are you big boy

DICK CHENEY  
(shouting from inside the car)  
THIS SUCKS DONKEY!(every one looks  
at him) you heard me

BARBRA BUSH  
Oh please, get out of the car, its  
not that bad

he does. the kids walk past barbra but as George passes she  
stops him and pulls him aside

BARBRA BUSH  
oh look at my little boy, first day  
of his senior year. it seems like  
only yesterday you were running  
around the house naked yelling  
"help mommy! there is a snake in my  
pants! (at that moment pretty girls  
walk by and laugh)

GEORGE BUSH  
mom please

BARBRA BUSH  
OK, now George if you need me I'm  
only a call away.

George tries to walk away

GEORGE BUSH  
OK mom

Barbra pulls George back with intense force

BARBRA BUSH  
(gradually more enraged)  
NO! I am serious, if you need me  
call me.

GEORGE BUSH  
mom! your hurting me!

BARBRA BUSH  
you think this hurts? wait until  
one of these SLUTS! (everyone  
looks) gets her claws into you,  
then what will you do.

GEORGE BUSH  
ill be fine mom

BARBRA BUSH  
no you wont don't you see how young  
and stupid you are. all you need is  
one of these harpies to show you  
just a little bit of skin and your  
screwed

GEORGE BUSH  
MOM!

BARBRA BUSH  
and then there's bully's i pray  
they don't find your soft spot. but  
you know what you don't worry about  
any of that because momma will  
protect you(hugs George really  
tightly). id like to see them try  
and touch you I WOULD RIP THEIR  
JUGULARS OUT AND USE IT TO TIE A  
BOW ON THE BOX I SEND to THERE  
PARENTS. AND WHEN THEY OPEN IT AND  
FIND WHATS LEFT OF THEIR CHILDREN  
THEY WILL KNOW THAT THEY HAVE  
FAILED AS HUMAN BEINGS THOSE STUPID  
MOTHER F...(interrupted)

GEORGE BUSH  
(SHOCKED)  
MOM! Wow... I'm going to school  
now

BARBRA BUSH  
(suddenly calm)  
OK sweety, love you.

GEORGE BUSH  
(Still freaked out)  
OK love you too

As barbra walks away George walks to his friends who have  
made a circle near a statue. dick Cheney has a water bottle  
that he is drinking from.

when George walks to the group he and dick exchange a secret  
handshake.

the hand shake involves slapping hands twice and then  
bumping knuckles. while they do this the do a short beet  
box.

from here on out we will refer to this as the beet box shake

GEORGE BUSH  
sup guys,

DONALD RUMSFELD  
hay George, is your mom OK?

cut shot of barbra giving a seductive wink to Donald.

GEORGE BUSH  
yeah, but I think that replacing  
all her Zoloft with baby aspirin  
was a bad idea.

LAURA LANE WELCH  
why did you guys do that?

DICK CHENEY  
I needed it.

RONALD RUMSFELD  
I didn't know you were depressed,  
buddy.

LAURA LANE WELCH  
well it makes sense his aunt just  
died. it must have been extra hard  
seeing as you took care of her for  
so long.

GEORGE BUSH  
I thought you hated her because she  
was so needy.

DONALD RUMSFELD  
how did she die?

DICK CHENEY  
medication mix up (takes drink from  
water bottle and licks his lips)

Everyone in the group stares at dick for a second

GEORGE BUSH  
(FREAKED OUT)  
Any ways...

LAURA LANE WELCH  
so George what are your plans for  
the year. (nervous) not that I want  
to know so I can do the same thing  
so I can constantly be by your  
side. that would be stockerish ha  
ha. WHICH I AM NOT. (uncomfortable  
laughter)

Donald gives her a nudge in the ribs, and she stops  
laughing.

LAURA LANE WELCH  
(Quietly to Donald)  
thank you

GEORGE BUSH  
(Ignorant to Laura's rambling)  
I'm glad you asked. you see last  
year we wear nobodies. am I right?

LAURA LANE WELCH  
Sad but true.

DONALD RUMSFELD  
I glued eyes on a pillow so some  
one would hold me.

GEORGE BUSH  
But, this is a new year. A fresh  
start. And I don't know about you  
guys. But I don't want to be known  
as "those dudes" any more.

RONALD RUMSFELD  
Yeah the only one of use who  
actually got a nick name was dick,  
and Frankenstein isn't very  
inviting.

LAURA LANE WELCH  
(TO DICK)  
Yeah, and can you not try and  
reanimate any squirrel corpses this  
year?

DICK CHENEY  
I will stop when I become a god  
among squirrels(takes drink)

LAURA LANE WELCH  
Why do we hang out with you.

DICK CHENEY  
(making intense eye contact  
with Laura)  
you know why (licks lips  
seductively)

LAURA LANE WELCH  
You're disgusting.

GEORGE BUSH  
Guys, don't lose focus. So anyways,  
I have a full proof plan to insure  
we will rise up and control this  
school. Just like cake rises and  
controls fat kids.

DONALD RUMSFELD  
my pillow/girlfriend loved cake.

LAURA LANE WELCH  
So whats your plan George.

GEORGE BUSH  
First step of my plan is simple  
(Everyone waits in  
anticipation)Come up with a plan!

RONALD RUMSFELD  
(disappointed)  
Isn't that obvious

DICK CHANEY  
and retarded

GEORGE BUSH  
no, you see if you plan on making a  
plan its like the plan is already  
underway, instead of in pre  
production. it keeps you motivated

DICK CHENEY  
that's not how that works.

LAURA LANE WELCH  
I think its a lovely plan.

DICK CHENEY  
you got some of geore's shit right  
here (points to nose) you might  
wanna...

(Laura punches dick in the arm)

GEORGE BUSH  
Guys don't get caught up on the  
technical side of things. We will  
come up with a plan. but for now,  
all that's important is that will  
strive to be the most important  
thing in this world. we will  
be...POPULAR!

song: "we'll own this school"

gorge sings specifically to Laura and dick excluding Donald  
who makes remarks at the fact

GEORGE BUSH  
(sung)  
hay, JUST TRUST IN ME its ALL YOU  
HAVE TO DO TO BE FREE right now  
were just part of the class BUT  
ONCE WERE DONE WILL kick some ass I  
promise you now we three (four)  
will be cool I promise you we will  
pwne this school

LAURA  
(spoken) I see what your saying,  
but how can we ever possibly be the  
coolest three (four)

GEORGE BUSH  
(sung) don't worry just leave the  
plan to me just stay strong and I  
promise you three (ignoring me wont  
make me go away) that we will pwne  
this school

GEORGE BUSH  
(spoken)  
see just leave it to me

Dick throws his empty water bottle over his shoulder. Al  
gore notices and angrily picks it up

AL GORE  
(sung) will these fools ever  
appreciate that polluting the  
planet will seal there fate ill  
just have to hope they get the gist  
if not ill crush them with an iron  
fist

the principal walks out side. he is not that old physically  
but the tired look is his eyes makes him look weathered

THE PRINCIPLE  
(spoken) come on every on get to  
class (sung) yet another year ill  
hate why god, did I receive my fate  
these students get worse over the  
years yet another year of using my  
cats to wipe my tears I swear I  
don't know what to do here's to  
another year ill rue

BARBRA  
(from behind the bushes)  
oh honey I love you so If someone  
tries to hurt you ill know because  
Ill watch through sleet snow and  
rain and if someone tries to hurt  
you ill cause them pain over this  
school my shadow will loom every  
one will feel my doom

cut to donald

DONALD RUMSFIELD  
so we'll find a way to make them  
see.

Donald gets pushed out of the way by gorge

GORGE BUSH  
that it is all about me

EVERYONE  
so no matter what they say its  
going to be my way and I'm going to  
own this school

everyone poses. they stay like that for a while. then the  
principal shows up

THE PRINCIPLE  
GET TO CLASS!

SCENE 2

int. school hallway

dick and George are at there lockers

GEORGE BUSH  
today took forever, but at least  
its over.

DICK CHENEY  
I skipped all my classes so I  
wouldn't know

GEORGE BUSH  
hay you think my plan for  
popularity will work right.

DICK CHENEY  
(stares at bush for a moment)  
no

GEORGE BUSH  
well at lest your honest. (sigh) I  
just need to come up with a new  
plan that can't fail.

DICK CHENEY  
an actual plan would be a good  
starting point

at that moment Condoleezza Rice walks across center stage  
and stops at her locker. the sight of her puts George in a  
daze. their should be aura of light and music surrounding  
her.

GEORGE BUSH  
(love struck)  
what was I talking about.

DICK CHENEY  
new plan

GEORGE BUSH  
(love struck)  
yes a new plan a good plan a smart  
plan a beautiful plan. with a  
bright smile (dick looks up from  
his locker and stares at George)and  
legs that are as smooth and as long  
as a rail road tracks.

DICK CHENEY  
wait what

GEORGE BUSH  
a plan you just wanna show whats  
up. take it in the back room and  
grabs its hair. yell "welcome to  
thunder dome!" then  
you...(interrupted)

DICK CHENEY  
(pushes George)  
gorge stop, your plan is giving me  
wood.

GEORGE BUSH  
dick look (points at Condoleezza  
Rice)have you seen a more beautiful  
woman. man, I know it sounds  
strange but, i feel a connection. I  
see a future with with this woman.  
a future with kids and a house, and  
not just any house but a house  
where there is a white picket fence  
and a...(interrupted)

DICK CHENEY  
dibs!

GEORGE BUSH  
ahhh! come on bro.

DICK CHENEY  
I called it.

GEORGE BUSH  
that's just like you dick. I find  
something that brings me joy and  
you go and take it from me. this is  
my dog all over again.

DICK CHENEY  
Sorry, my bad for craving Korean  
food.

GEORGE BUSH  
(angry)  
It was your bad.

DICK CHENEY  
whatever, hay go get her number for  
me.

GEORGE BUSH  
why would I talk to her for you  
what you think i am some sort of  
bitch who wont stand up for  
myself...(dick stares at George for  
several seconds with a unamused  
face)...ill be right back

George walks over to were she is standing. she has her back  
to him and does not seem to notice him standing behind her.  
he tries to gain the courage to get her attention but to no  
avail. so he awkwardly walks back to Cheney.

DICK CHENEY  
what happened

GEORGE BUSH  
I panicked

DICK CHENEY  
calm down, its not that hard

GEORGE BUSH  
then do it yourself

DICK CHENEY  
and miss the show

GEORGE BUSH  
I hate you

George once again walks over to Condoleezza Rice after  
several seconds he gains the courage to cough, gaining her  
attention.

GEORGE BUSH  
(nervous)  
um, hi my name is George and my  
friend dick wants to meet you.

CONDOLEEZZA RICE  
excuse me!

GEORGE BUSH  
(really nervous)  
wow that sounded bad. NO! what I  
meant to say is that my friend dick  
who is standing over (points) there  
would like your number.

CONDOLEEZZA RICE  
there is no one over there

(George turns to see that his friend has left him.)

GEORGE BUSH  
well it was nice meeting you. I am  
going to hang myself now (turns to  
leave)

CONDOLEEZZA RICE  
your funny(starts laughing)

GEORGE BUSH  
yes (turns back)joke, of course its  
a joke. (quieter) and not just some  
asshole.

CONDOLEEZZA RICE  
what about assholes

GEORGE BUSH  
they stink... but thats not the  
point. whats your name

CONDOLEEZZA RICE  
my name is Condoleezza

GEORGE BUSH  
nice to meet you my name is george

he shakes her hand for a really long time

CONDOLEEZZA RICE  
so..you wanted my number?

GEORGE BUSH  
that would be nice

CONDOLEEZZA RICE  
I'm sorry your just not my type

GEORGE BUSH  
oh... i... how do you know

CONDOLEEZZA RICE  
i only date men who exude power

GEORGE BUSH  
power?

CONDOLEEZZA RICE  
yeah you see...

SONG: "I only date guys with power"

the kids in the hall clear out except for a few members of  
the jazz band who linger to play back up.

CONDOLEEZZA RICE  
(slow and sultry)  
you see when it comes to men im  
looking for a certain appeal and im  
sorry to say boys like you don't  
give me a thrill you see i need a  
man who's presence is so commanding  
that all weaklings cant remain  
standing in the end i need a man  
who has power

CONDOLEEZZA RICE  
(uptempo)  
sorry kid you seem kind but  
unfortunately you don't blow my  
mind I need a man, who is strong a  
man more commanding than king Kong  
I need a dude with attitude I need  
guy who is do or die I need a gent  
who can pay the rent who has the  
skills to pay those bills you see  
George your really cool but  
compared to a real man your just a  
fool so you see I am looking for a  
man with grit but unfortunately  
your just not it so George cant you  
see your just not strong enough for  
me

GEORGE BUSH  
hay girl you've got me all wrong  
despite my appearance, I promise  
you I'm strong Ive got biceps that  
go on for miles definition more  
deadly than a crocodile Ive got  
strength of thirty men I have the  
courage of a lion I got muscle to  
handle a tussle I hit the gym hard  
despite all the lard

CONDOLEEZZA RICE  
oh George your cute but you just  
don't see that physical strength  
isn't enough for me if you want my  
love you'll have to find a way to  
be strong in the mind because true  
power comes from control and having  
the power to show people there role  
you may think its cruel I don't  
date men who cant rule but go make  
those monkeys dance and you may  
just have a chance yes because I  
said it once and ill say it once  
more if you don't have power don't  
knock on my door pa pa pa pa pa  
powwawaer yeah

CONDOLEEZZA RICE  
so you see if u want to impress me  
you got to have some semblance of  
power. shame too you seem really  
nice.

GEORGE BUSH  
could you maybe just bend the rules  
a little bit.

CONDOLEEZZA RICE  
nope, see ya

as she leaves dick reemerges and startles George in the  
process.

DICK CHENEY  
how did it go.

GEORGE BUSH  
amazing I mean she is just...wow.  
but, there is a problem she only  
dates guys she deems have "power",  
but all I have to do is climb the  
social ladder according to plan and  
get the girl in the process. its  
perfect

DICK CHENEY  
you mean all "I" have to do right

GEORGE BUSH  
what?

DICK CHENEY  
I called dibs remember. so when we  
climb the social ladder i get the  
girl. right.

GEORGE BUSH  
um... yeah sure buddy of course.  
hay lets go

beet box shake

-BLACK OUT-

SCENE 3

INT. George's bedroom-day

George rumsfeld and dick are sitting around Georges room.  
George has a chalk Board and is speaking to the other two.

GEORGE BUSH  
OK hombres, Laura isn't here yet  
but lets get going.

DONALD RUMSFELD  
I am so excited, thanks for  
inviting me.

DICK CHENEY  
technically you fallowed us.

DONALD RUMSFELD  
I just cant stand to be alone  
anymore

GEORGE BUSH  
witch is exactly my point amigos.  
the longer we stay social outcasts  
the more likely we are to become as  
sad and pathetic as Donald over  
there.

DICK CHENEY  
you forgot annoying and  
prepubescent.

DONALD RUMSFELD  
(sad)  
I'm just happy that someone is  
talking about me.

GEORGE BUSH  
exactamente, witch is why we have  
gathered to start phase doce of my  
brilliant plan to gain social  
recognition within our highly  
importante school lives. if your  
confused ill take a question  
rápido... hey la audiencia a ver la  
película si usted sabe el punto  
español en un gringo y se ríen que  
será divertido, ya que no sabrás  
por qué

dick raises hand

DICK CHENEY  
yeah whats with all the Spanish?

GEORGE BUSH  
I have a test on Tuesday.

George turns his attention to the chalk board and starts  
drawing

DICK CHENEY  
stop it its annoying

GEORGE BUSH  
don't be jealous just because while  
I'm getting an A+ on that test  
you'll be kissing your grades  
sayonara. mis poderes mentales son  
mucho miedo de hecho

translation: my mental powers are very scary indeed

DICK CHENEY  
sayonara is Japanese...moron

Laura opens the door and walks in

LAURA LANE WELCH  
sorry I'm late.

DICK CHENEY  
that's strange your usually the  
first one at these "meetings"

LAURA LANE WELCH  
(joking)  
yeah I was watching George from the  
bushes when he texted me, so I  
walked around the block a few times  
to avoid suspicion(fake laughing).  
(suddenly nervous) I'm kidding of  
course. I mean why would I do that.  
that would be mental (nervous fake  
laughing)

DICK CHENEY  
were you born this awkward or did  
you get training.

very seriously laura crosses her throat, and points at dick

GEORGE BUSH  
quite down children, Ive done it.

DONALD RUMSFELD  
done what?

GEORGE BUSH  
I just come up with the perfecto  
plan to become the senor of all the  
seniors. dios soy increíble

translatiopn: god im awsome

DICK CHENEY  
I told you to stop that

LAURA LANE WELCH  
whats the plan

bush steps aside to revile his crudely drawn plan on the  
chalk board.

GEORGE BUSH  
you see its simple...juggling!

DICK CHENEY  
this should be good.

GEORGE BUSH  
you see we find a way to make  
juggling illegal.

LAURA LANE WELCH  
well I guess juggling is lame but i  
don't see how...(interrupted)

GEORGE BUSH  
once juggling is illegal, it will  
automatically become irresistible  
to teenagers.

DICK CHANEY  
i like things that are illigal

LAURA LANE WELCH  
you would

DONALD RUMSFELD  
it's sad but true.

GEORGE BUSH  
(annoyed)  
Donald I'm talking here.

DICK CHENEY  
yeah come on

DONALD RUMSFELD  
but they all got to make  
interjections

GEORGE BUSH  
Donald I don't care what they get  
away with I'm talking to you.

DONALD RUMSFELD  
sorry

GEORGE BUSH  
anyways as I was saying, once there  
is a sudden increase in illegal  
juggling awesomeness. we will  
emerge as the worlds greatest  
jugglers and in the end we will be  
so great we will convince the  
legislators to revoke the law  
becoming instant heroes. isn't it  
brilliant. i scare myself  
sometimes. gato volador Taco Bell

Translation: cat frisbee taco bell

several uncomfortable moments pass as Georges friends are at  
a lose for words. then after a few moments, Donald nervously  
looks around the room and slowly raises his hand.

GEORGE BUSH  
Donald, put your hand down.

soon after dick raises his hand very smugly

GEORGE BUSH  
the floor recognizes dick Cheney

DICK CHENEY  
am I the only one who thinks this  
is a crappy rip off of foot loose.

everyone nods and agrees

DONALD RUMSFELD  
(muttering)  
that's what I wanted to say

GEORGE BUSH  
no, no, no, its not like that at  
all, I haven't even seen that movie  
your talking about so, yeah

dick gets up from his spot and leans against a wall were a  
poster of matalica resides

DICK CHENEY  
really you've never seen that movie

GEORGE BUSH  
never

dick rips down the matalica poster reviling a very  
effeminate foot loose poster

GEORGE BUSH  
that's not mine

everyone stares at George

GEORGE BUSH  
that's not even what matters, does  
anyone have something to say who's  
opinions matters

Donald raises his hand again

GEORGE BUSH  
I swear to god Donald

Donald puts his hand down as Laura puts her hand up.

GEORGE BUSH  
yes Laura

LAURA LANE WELCH  
(nervous)  
well its just that um, well, you  
see I like your plan but George you  
can't juggle.

GEORGE BUSH  
hmm, that's something I should have  
realized. (saddened)well that's all  
I got. lets just give up.

DICK CHENEY  
sweet

LAURA LANE WELCH  
no don't say that

GEORGE BUSH  
who am I kidding that juggling bit  
was my A game

DICK CHENEY  
if that was A material you must  
have gone through the whole  
alphabet and had to start over.

George stands up and faces dick but Laura gets between them

GEORGE BUSH  
your mom went through the whole  
phone book and had to start over

DONALD RUMSFELD  
nice one

GEORGE BUSH  
shut up

dick and George get in each others faces

DICK CHENEY  
(insulted)  
well your momma...what ever

short pause then George sinks to the ground

GEORGE BUSH  
YEAH...(sigh) I cant even stay  
committed to arguing. lets face it,  
were just wasting our time.

LAURA LANE WELCH  
(consoling)  
don't say that. lets just take a  
second and I'm sure that will think  
of something.

every one finds a comfortable spot and starts thinking  
quietly. except for George who just sulks on his bed. after  
a few seconds the lights dim and a ticking can be heard,  
giving the illusion time is passing. until the gang stars  
talking making the audience realize the light effect is part  
of reality

LAURA LANE WELCH  
George is your house possessed

GEORGE BUSH  
no there is just some problems with  
the electrical wiring

DICK CHENEY  
well its annoying. it better  
stop...(everything goes back to  
normal)...soon. well OK then.

LAURA LANE WELCH  
that cant be safe. how long has  
your house been like that.

GEORGE BUSH  
a while now. my dad said he would  
fix it, but it seems that  
everything else in his life is  
taking precedence.

DONALD RUMSFELD  
what a minute! precedence,  
precedence (snaps fingers)  
PRESIDENTS!

GEORGE BUSH  
OH MY GOD DONALD UNLESS YOU HAVE AN  
IDEA SHUT THE HELL UP.

DONALD RUMSFELD  
but that's just it  
I...(interrupted)

GEORGE BUSH  
DONALD! SHH OK

Donald sits down in defeat after a few seconds he picks up  
the ripped matalica poster and starts writing a message on  
it. once he is done he crumples it and throws it at dick.  
who reads it.

DICK CHENEY  
oh George I got an idea. why don't  
we run for class president.

GEORGE BUSH  
(excited)  
of course, your brilliant dick.

DICK CHENEY  
thanks I know.

LAURA LANE WELCH  
school president. that's perfect.  
and you wont even have to do a good  
job. from what I've heard about the  
last president he set the bar  
pretty low.

DONALD RUMSFELD  
really, did he suck that bad

LAURA LANE WELCH  
yeah he really blew!

SONG: "1-2-3-win"

dick should not participate in the fallowing song in any  
way. he should simply stand against the wall looking cool

GEORGE BUSH  
wow president, it's perfect. why  
didn't I see it before. its the  
easiest way to become popular  
without being athletic, rich, or a  
slut.

DONALD RUMSFELD  
Ive tried that last one it doesn't  
work.

GEORGE BUSH  
friends we have our plan.

GEORGE BUSH  
(sung)  
the dye is cast, and our turn has  
come now its time for us to show  
everyone the fire in our souls will  
never go away we will rise up and  
rule the day

EVERYONE  
cause it win lets let the  
games begin its true I don't lie  
this battle is do or die our whole  
lives we've been lost and ignored  
but on this day you can be assured  
that no matter what they all may  
say today's a brand new day

GEORGE BUSH  
so you see were her to stay so  
whats really left to say

LAURA LANE WELCH  
Ive longed for my place on earth  
but with today I feel a rebirth I  
more sure about this than any thing  
before finally I can see my ship  
coming to shore and I know they say  
lust is a sin but I cant help hope  
George is the captain

DONALD  
it time to shine its our final hour  
let us climb that social tower. we  
have our plan so lets not give up.

GEORGE BUSH  
hay donald, shut up

EVERYONE  
cause it win lets let the  
games begin its true I don't lie  
this battle is do or die our whole  
lives we've been lost and ignored  
but on this day you can be assured  
that no matter what they all may  
say today's a brand new day

GEORGE BUSH  
cause its...

DONALD RUMSFELD  
3!

LAURA LANE WELCH  
2!

GEORGE BUSH  
1!

EVERYONE  
win

the trio ends there song in a pose with all three reaching  
there hands in the air

DICK CHENEY  
RAISE YOUR HAND IF YOUR GAY!

everyone shoots dick a dirty look

GEORGE BUSH  
you can ruin anything dick

LAURA LANE WELCH  
lets just go

everyone leaves bush's room, not nearly as excited as before

-BLACK OUT-

SCENE 4

INT. school hallway

shot of a barren hallway, except for a janitor mopping the  
floor. then the bells rings and kids flood the hall with  
movement and talking. George and his group walk into frame  
caring papers. they walk to a box outside the principles  
office marked "school government forms"

GEORGE BUSH  
OK, you guys did you fill out your  
forms.

DONALD RUMSFELD  
sure did.(gives his forms to  
George)

DICK CHENEY  
here you go (hands form over)

LAURA LANE WELCH  
I'm so excited what are you guys  
running for.

GEORGE BUSH  
El presidante amigo (dick punches  
him in the arm) AY! papi

DICK CHENEY  
I'm running for vise president.

LAURA LANE WELCH  
really?

DICK CHENEY  
yeah, its all the power but none of  
the responsibility.

LAURA LANE WELCH  
and what about you Donald.

DONALD RUMSFELD  
secretary of defense.

LAURA LANE WELCH  
what?

DONALD RUMSFELD  
yeah

LAURA LANE WELCH  
(confused)  
OK

GEORGE BUSH  
how about you Laura aren't you  
running.

DICK CHENEY  
have you seen her hips? she never  
runs

Laura punches dick really hard in the arm

LAURA LANE WELCH  
(nervously)  
no George I'm not, but id love to  
be your adviser. kind of like the  
first woman you talk to in times of  
trouble. some would say a kind of  
"first lady"

GEORGE BUSH  
sure id love you to be my "first  
lady"

LAURA LANE WELCH  
(very happy and loud)  
oh god, yes!

every one in the hall looks at her. after a few seconds they  
go back to there business, except for AL gore, Joe Lieberman  
and Helga. who start walking towards the group.

LAURA LANE WELCH  
(trying to sound nonchalant)  
I mean cool.

DONALD RUMSFELD  
(looking in the box)  
there is only three forums in here.  
you would think there would be  
more.

AL GORE  
(loud and boisterous)  
no people are just smart enough to  
know they don't have a chance.

LAURA LANE WELCH  
(indignantly)  
and you would be

AL should be a proper douche bag, and almost sound British.  
Joe is the typical tiny yes man, and should almost should  
like a prohibition gangster. Helga should either be a very  
large man in drag or a very petite girl, but we all know a  
guy in drag is best.

AL GORE  
only your future president

JOE LIEBERMAN  
yeah so show some respect!

GEORGE BUSH  
last time I checked this was  
America. and in America we don't  
have to respect the peaple that are  
gonna end up licking our boots.  
(high fives Donald)

AL GORE  
of course, but president can be a  
stressful job. Helga! (snaps  
fingers) you never know when you  
might crack.

Helga grabs a large text book from a student, and proceeds  
to snap it in half

DONALD RUMSFELD  
that is a very strong lady.

GEORGE BUSH  
(nervous)  
yeah well, it doesn't matter how  
strong she is because...your  
nothing special, and... were still  
going to win.

AL GORE  
that's right, of course you'll win  
your the richest most popular kid  
at this school... oh wait that's  
me.

the gang starts laughing witch leads to the onlookers in the  
crowd to start laughing. then AL waves his hand and the  
laughing stops, except for Donald who continues to laugh.

GEORGE BUSH  
(after giving Donald an elbow)  
what are you doing man

DONALD RUMSFELD  
(whispered)  
I'm sorry, I just wanted to fit in

GEORGE BUSH  
yeah well, you think your so cool  
with your 1920's yes man and your  
scary man lady, and your money.

DICK CHENEY  
don't forget his good looks.

LAURA LANE WELCH  
and his hair

DONALD RUMSFELD  
and abs you can do laundry off of.

GEORGE BUSH  
AND ALL THAT STUFF...I'll be honest  
I don't know were im going with  
this.

JOE LIEBERMAN  
see boss, these guys arnt nothing.  
let me take them out...permanently.

AL GORE  
in good time, for now just leave  
them a warning.

SONG: "Global Harming"

HELGA, JOE  
bump bump bananana (x4)

AL GORE  
you better check your self before  
you wreck your self you better  
watch your back before I attack you  
better watch your self before you  
find your self on the wrong side of  
gore because this is your first and  
last warning so try and listen if  
you keep this up your teeth will be  
missin you shouldn't even try  
because your destine to lose cause  
im a big bad man your gonna find  
out soon that we are global harming  
and we have got it out for you I  
know its scary but there isn't much  
to do face the facts kids your  
through bump bump bununua bump bump  
bununua so run and hide now its  
your only hope cause I am warning  
you now don't you drop the soap  
because if you let your guard down  
ill sneak up from behind and ill be  
rougher on you than a pineapple  
rind bump bump bununua (hes gonna  
get you) bump bump bununua bump  
bump bununua (hes gonna get you)  
bump bump bununua

AL GORE  
so any questions

DICK CHENEY  
yeah, did you say that your gonna  
sneak up on us from behind.

GEORGE BUSH  
and something about a rough  
pineapple

AL GORE  
oh clever patty MC fatty.

JOE LIEBERMAN  
hay boss I don't think they got the  
message maybe I should beat it into  
them

AL GORE  
fine, have your fun

JOE LIEBERMAN  
you hear that. now you've done it.  
here comes pain. they call me lttle  
beet. because im little and i like  
to beat.

silience... then george starts laughing

JOE LIEBERMAN  
thats it

Joe and Helga walk slowly towards George and his group. with  
every advancing step from Joe and Helga comes a step back  
from George's group. soon George's group backs up till they  
are near the janitor. so dick grabs his mop and pushes him  
back.

DICK CHENEY  
George here

dick hands him the mop. once George has the mop he swings it  
at the attackers

GEORGE BUSH  
ha, unfortunately for you im a  
black belt.

George starts swinging the mop in an almost impressive  
fashion that causes the antagonizesrs to back up. that is  
until he accidentally lets go and the mop flies out of his  
hand.

GEORGE BUSH  
black belt in training... I meant  
im a black belt in training.(Joe  
and Helga start advancing on George  
again) wait can I get a redo. come  
on guys redo. just for the record  
if you had done that I would have  
given you a redo. I mean cant  
you...(interrupted)

JOE LIEBERMAN  
shut up!

DICK CHENEY  
any more brilliant plans.

GEORGE BUSH  
just one...RUN!

George tries to run but only gets a few feet before he slips  
on the wet ground and falls. laughter roars. then the  
principle comes out of her office.

GEORGE BUSH  
(defeated)  
why?

THE PRINCIPLE  
what is all this racket? school  
ended ten minutes ago. you scum  
sucking spores should be as far  
away from me as possible by now.

AL GORE  
we were just having a difference of  
opinion, but im not one to add  
insult to injury. so will be  
leaving now.

AL and his gang leave along with the rest of the students.  
the principles goes back to her office. soon the group is  
all alone. a sense of despair looms over the group.

LAURA LANE WELCH  
(to no one)  
yeah you better run! (helps bush  
up) are you alright?

GEORGE BUSH  
no!

LAURA LANE WELCH  
is it your back?

GEORGE BUSH  
(very upset)  
no! its everything. its my pride,  
my honor, my very masculinity. its  
every thing I worked for  
its...(takes a step and grabs his  
back in pain)... OK, its also my  
back. but that doesn't matter what  
matters is I blew it. now the whole  
school thinks im a big fat  
idiot.(quieter) why would  
condelezza even look at me now.

DICK CHENEY  
why does that matter?

GEORGE BUSH  
what

DICK CHANEY  
she was never going to go out with  
you

GEORGE BUSH  
you know what dick maybe i dont  
give crap about the sactity of  
"DIBS" and maybe i was going to ask  
her out myself.

DICK CHANEY  
oh i know that, i meant that she  
would never go out with you under  
any circumstansis. she needs a real  
man like me

GEORGE BUSH  
(exploding)  
DICK SHUT THE HELL UP. YOU'VE BEEN  
MY BEST FRIEND FOR YEARS, BUT  
HONESTLY I HAVE NO IDEA WHY. YOUR  
THE WORLDS BIGGEST JERK, AND I'M  
SICK OF YOUR CRAP. ALL YOU DO IS  
TAKE FROM ME, SO YOU KNOW WHAT  
EXCUSE ME IF I THOUGHT I DESERVED  
SOMETHING FOR ONCE, YOUR HIGHNESS.

DICK CHENEY  
I don't have to take this.

dick storms out of the hall

DONALD RUMSFELD  
DICK WAIT!

Donald starts to run after him but is stopped

GEORGE BUSH  
donald shut up let him go. its not  
about him.

DONALD RUMSFELD  
why because its about you.

GEORGE BUSH  
wait what

Donald tries to back track

DONALD RUMSFELD  
your not as selfish and cruel as  
him, but your both kinda jerks. but  
you guys are all i have (running  
towards the door) DICK WAIT UP!

GEORGE BUSH  
(turning his attention to  
Laura)  
well im sure your waiting to call  
me a jerk too so lets have it.

LAURA LANE WELCH  
no George. I would never.

GEORGE BUSH  
well apparently the whole world  
hates me.

LAURA LANE WELCH  
I could never hate you George.  
because the truth is, deep down,  
I..I...(sighs) I just don't.

GEORGE BUSH  
well you should.

George walks away, and Laura is left alone.

LAURA LANE WELCH  
ugh, im so stupid. I was so close  
to telling him how I feel. (sinks  
ageist wall) I must be crazy. its  
like momma said. the definition of  
insanity is doing the same thing  
over and over again, and expecting  
different results. but then again  
she said a lot of things.

SONG: "does it make me crazy"

Laura should walk down stage and a magical curtain should  
close behind her.

LAURA LANE WELCH  
(sung)  
when I was young, my mom said to  
stay true to who you are to never  
give up, and if you are strong true  
love wont be far but the years have  
passed and my heart is sunk I guess  
that's what I get for listening to  
a drunk but the truth is George ill  
never let you go inside me lurks a  
love that will continue to grow and  
some may say my love goes too far  
but if they call me crazy and ill  
find out who they are so, does it  
make me crazy that I want him by my  
side and, does it make me crazy  
that I see him in my mind and, does  
it make me crazy that for him I  
would die well maybe just a little  
I guess I cant really lie so go  
ahead and call me crazy see if I  
care I don't mind you think it  
crazy for me to have a baggy of his  
hair my family may want to send my  
to therapy but who isn't a little  
crazy so, does it make me crazy  
that I want him to get the hint  
and, does it make me crazy that I  
collect his belly lint and, does it  
make me crazy that I want to tie  
him in my basement well maybe, just  
a little but I don't care and  
people have said my love has gone  
to far but most of those people  
were beaten with a rusty bar so  
George, go ahead and call me crazy  
ill continue to fallow you even if  
I accumulate a restraining order or  
two I don't care what the law says  
because there is no restraining my  
heart and even if I have to kill  
you we will never be apart no we  
will never ever ever ever EVER!  
be apart

-BLACK OUT-

SCENE 5

gorge is walking done the street visibly depressed. it is  
dark and it is cold.

GEORGE BUSH  
im such an idiot, my friends  
probably never want to speak to me  
again and there all I have left.  
but dick can be such a ass, he acts  
like the world revolves around him.

cut to dick walking down a similar street, in a similar  
fashion.

DICK CHENEY  
who does gorge think he is. i was  
happy before he came along and I'll  
be happy after he is gone.

cut back to gorge

GEORGE BUSH  
i wish i never met him.

cut to dick

DICK CHENEY  
i wish i never met him

cut back to gorge how aggressively kicks a can down an ally.  
then cut to dick who throws a rock at a window shattering  
it. we go back to gorge who sinks in front of a wall.

song "I Need My Dick/Bush"

GEORGE BUSH  
I hate him so much he has treated  
me so wrong so why does it feel  
like something is wrong

DICK CHENEY  
he is nothing but a jerk I wish he  
would just disappear so why do i  
wish he was here

GEORGE BUSH  
could it be that I

DICK CHENEY  
could it possibly be

GEORGE BUSH  
that I miss my dick beside me a  
noble hand to guide me I miss my  
dick cant you see, I need my dick  
there for me we would play and  
laugh so much we always got sick  
could I throw away all the good  
times I've had with my dick

DICK CHENEY  
bush you've always been there  
through the thick and thin you  
always kept me warm no matter the  
shape I was in and even though I'm  
still angry I feel I must say I  
miss my bush around me, his touch  
to surround me I miss my bush there  
for me, that embrace to warm me  
because you see its true I need you  
even though I wouldn't dare say

BOTH  
its a simple fact their is no pact  
that fits better than dick and bush

then the tone changes as both kids remember their rage.

GEORGE BUSH  
but no I cant forgive him this time

DICK CHENEY  
I won't let him get the last laugh  
this time he crossed the line

GEORGE BUSH  
he wont push me around ill show him  
this means war

DICK CHENEY  
that idiot has no idea what i have  
in store

BOTH  
im sorry but no matter what you do  
I wont forgive you you might as  
well be dead to me

GEORGE BUSH  
so I don't care

DICK CHENEY  
I wont bend

BOTH  
but in the end I guess

GEORGE BUSH  
I still miss my friend

bush reaches his home and walks inside

SCENE 6

INT. Georges bedroom- night

George walks in his room and throws himself to his bed face  
first.

after a few seconds he looks up and sees a note attached to  
a broom in the corner of his room. he goes to investigate.

GEORGE BUSH  
(reading note)  
"clean your room you disgusting  
maggot. love mom." shesh love you  
too mom "p.s. I had to help  
organize the church bake sale, so I  
couldn't tail you today. if any one  
was mean to you today leave there  
name, addressee, and any  
debilitating fears they might have  
on the back of this note." ha, like  
I would let my mom beat up a kid  
just because...(thinks about it for  
a few seconds and then rights Al's  
name on the note) now he is good as  
dead.

George starts sweeping the floor, but soon finds him self  
twirling the broom like a bow staff in a matter that is  
quite impressive.

GEORGE BUSH  
see, why cant I ever do this when  
someone is watching

suddenly, behind George, a bright warm light shines through  
his window. and then the ghost of dolly parton climbs  
through.

GEORGE BUSH  
its almost like the minute someone  
is watching me I do something  
stupid.

DOLLY PARTON  
(tapping on bushes shoulder)  
excuse me

startled bush swings around smacking her in the face.

DOLLY PARTON  
oh, son of a!

GEORGE BUSH  
im so sorry I didn't mean to...  
wait a minute your an intruder. I  
mean I did mean to, and their is  
plenty more coming. unless you get  
out of my house.

DOLLY PARTON  
im not an intruder you dingle  
berry. im your guardian angel.

GEORGE BUSH  
like im stupid enough to believe in  
guardian angels(takes a good look  
at her.) wait a minute, oh my god  
your dolly parton.

DOLLY PARTON  
(smug)  
are you a fan

GEORGE BUSH  
am I a fan (he runs to the  
footloose poster and tears it down,  
revealing a dolly parton poster.) I  
keep a footloose poster up to avoid  
suspicion.

DOLLY PARTON  
glad your a fan. your an ashamed  
fan but a fan none the less.

GEORGE BUSH  
so are you really my guardian  
angel.

DOLLY PARTON  
you got that right, sugar.

GEORGE BUSH  
your alot shorter than i thought

camera pans out to show that there is a major hight  
difference

DOLLY PARTON  
well the camer adds ten inches

GEORGE BUSH  
wow, tom cruise must be a fetus,  
but dolly, your not dead yet.

DOLLY PARTON  
yeah well tecnacly i was never  
alive.

GEORGE BUSH  
what

DOLLY PARTON  
truth is i was an angel

GEORGE BUSH  
that explains your angelic voice

DOLLY PARTON  
yeah well, old dolly got kicked out  
of paradise after i got into some  
trouble with the big guy upstairs

GEORGE BUSH  
what happened

DOLLY PARTON  
i had a dispute with a coworker.

GEORGE BUSH  
what was the dispute?

DOLLY PARTON  
they thought they should live, I  
thought they should be thrown into  
the firey pits of hell.

GEORGE BUSH  
wow

DOLLY PARTON  
yeah, and then the dispute grew to  
include immediate family, and most  
of her pets. but thankfully the guy  
in charge (points up) is a fan of  
my work so he told me if I did some  
community service he would wipe the  
slate clean. so just 300 more years  
and im done. but enough of that  
tell me whats on your mind.

the scene gets a little fuzzy and music starts to play as if  
we are about to see a flash back

GEORGE BUSH  
it's just that all my friends hate  
me because im such a loser. it all  
started when...(interrupted)

DOLLY PARTON  
let me stop you there,(everything  
goes back to normal) this story  
sounds long and boring. but you see  
I've been doing this for a while  
now. and it seems no matter the  
issue. if your having trouble in  
your life, all you need to do is  
shape up.

GEORGE BUSH  
shape up?

DOLLY PARTON  
you know, put your troubles behind  
you and grow some balls. you cant  
get what you want while your crying  
like a little bitch.

GEORGE BUSH  
well I guess but its not that  
simple.

DOLLY PARTON  
sure it is

SONG: "Shape Up Kid"

DOLLY PARTON  
if you think that life is over

you've got a lot to learn

you cant quit the game

every time you get a burn

so shape up kid

you ant through yet

shape up kid

cause your as great as they get

if you just believe

cause you have no time to grieve

you'll find you are victorious in the end

so, shape up kid

you've got what it takes

shape up kid

your bound to raise the stakes

just stay strong

and you'll win before to long

GEORGE BUSH

I see now that I was a fool

if I want to win Ive got...(interrupted)

DOLLY PARTON

(dolly spoken)

hunny hunny hunny this is a solo not a duet

GEORGE BUSH

oh sorry

DOLLY PARTON

so shape up kid

you've got no time to waste

shape up kid

and win with great haste

just remember what I said

and you will be ahead

so shape up kid

so shape up kid

so shape up kid

dolly climbs out the window and waves good bye.

SONG: "act 1 medley"

the medley starts with a quick reprise of shape up kid. as  
George walks forward during this slow reprise the curtain  
should close behind him.

GEORGE BUSH  
ll shape up ill rise up to the top  
ill shape up theirs no way im  
gonna stop Ill take her words with  
pride ill win, Ive got dolly on my  
side there is just no way I can  
lose

GEORGE BUSH  
(spoken)  
she is right I have been a fool,  
but no longer. today is a new day.

george pulls out his white board and starts working.

SCENE 7

int. school hallway

the hallway is set up with a podium and chairs. AL gore is  
at the podium, while the rest of the student body occupies  
the chairs. his lackeys are on both sides playing the  
presidential march on kazoos

AL GORE  
good evening my loyal subjects. i  
am so glad to be here with you  
today in this most prestigious of  
hallways. now that i have been  
elected president i assure you that  
i will tackle the issues that  
really matter like global  
warming.(one guy in the back lets  
out a half heart ed woo!) and of  
course the extreme lack of red  
bulls in the vending machines (the  
crowd roars)but first global  
warming (everyone sighs) as you can  
see from this chart the polar ice  
capes...(interrupted)

then gorge bush bursts through the door

GEORGE BUSH  
stop right there you pretentious  
douche bag

LAURA LANE WELCH  
gorge you came back!

Laura rushes to gorge and holds his hands. it almost looks  
like a sentimental moment.

GEORGE BUSH  
yes Laura, you see last night i did  
some soul searching and now i know  
what truly matters.

LAURA LANE WELCH  
you do?

GEORGE BUSH  
yes, i cant believe it took me this  
long to realize it but, the key to  
my happiness was right in front of  
me the whole time.

LAURA LANE WELCH  
oh gorge

Laura leans in for a kiss, but gorge steps past her leaving  
her standing alone.

GEORGE BUSH  
YEAH! whats important is that i  
become class president and get  
sweet sweet revenge on woodsy owl  
over here.

brief moment of silence

RONALD RUMSFELD  
who is woodsy owl?

GEORGE BUSH  
you know "give a hoot don't  
pollute"

AL GORE  
that is it, i have had just about  
enough of this. first of all (to  
Donald) how dare you not know who  
woodsy owl is. the man is a god.  
and secondly, i don't know if you  
got the memo but i have already won  
the title of PRESIDENT OF THE  
UNITED STATES...OF HIGH SCHOOL.

GEORGE BUSH  
wait, WHAT! but elections weren't  
until Friday and its only Tuesday.

PRINCIPAL  
im sorry, but with no other  
candidates we decided to expedite  
the process. if i could change  
things i would.

GEORGE BUSH  
but arnt you the principal?

LAURA LANE WELCH  
yeah, don't you have the power to  
change things.

PRINCIPAL  
oh im sorry, when i said i wish i  
had the power to change things what  
i meant was. i hate every single  
student at this school and ill be  
damned if i make any of them happy.

the principle goes back to there office. gorge, Donald, and  
Laura sulk together.

GEORGE BUSH  
so it was all for nothing. in the  
end i was too late.

LAURA LANE WELCH  
well gorge there is always other  
clubs

DONALD RUMSFELD  
yeah every thing is going to be OK

GEORGE BUSH  
(half heatedly)  
shut up Donald

just then georges mom emerges from the crowd like a ninja.

BARBRA BUSH  
georgy my boy, whats wrong.

GEORGE BUSH  
MOM! when you get here?

BARBRA BUSH  
(creepy)  
hunny, im always here. watching.  
waiting.

DONALD RUMSFELD  
gorge is depressed because the  
principle wont reverse his  
decision.

BARBRA BUSH  
oh baby, don't worry im sure  
everything will work out you wait  
and see.

barbra goes over to the principals office and closes the  
door behind her.

BARBRA BUSH  
YOU DONE MESSED UP NOW SUGAR!

in the silhouette of the window we can see barbra attacking  
the principle in extreme and creative ways.

GEORGE BUSH  
do you guys think that everything  
will work out.

LAURA LANE WELCH  
it will gorge don't worry about it.  
im sure that somewhere there is a  
beautiful guardian angel looking  
out for us.

cut to the pricipals door

BARBRA BUSH  
DON'T MAKE ME BREAK IT OFF!

dolly is at the pricipals door she knocks.

barbra comes out very nice

BARBRA BUSH  
yes

dolly hands her a bag full of torure weapons

BARBRA BUSH  
thanks hun

cut back

GEORGE BUSH  
i can only hope right.

after a heart felt group hug barbra throws the principle out  
the office. her cloths tattered and sporting a black eye.

BARBRA BUSH  
AND DON'T MAKE ME TELL YOU AGAIN!

the students stands up clouths riped. he tries to catch his  
air

THE PRINCIPLE  
STUDENTS, STUDENTS CAN I HAVE YOUR  
ATTENTION PLEASE! i have had a  
sudden and unexplainable change of  
heart. i have decided to have  
elections on Friday as previously  
intended. with your candidates  
being AL gore, and gorge bush.

LAURA LANE WELCH  
did you hear that gorge!

AL GORE  
what is this?! i demand that you  
reconsider. it is an upfront to  
every...(interrupted)

THE PRINCIPLE  
SHUT UP, JUST SHUT UP! NOW IF  
ANYONE HAS ANY QUESTIONS PROCEED TO  
ASK SOMEONE THAT CARES!

the principle starts to walk towards the door but is stopped  
by barbra, who is holding an ice chest.

BARBRA BUSH  
(very sweetly)  
oh hi there. your the principle  
right. i just wanted to thank you  
for letting my son run for class  
president.(barbra hands him the ice  
chest and starts whispering) if you  
go to the E.R. now im sure they can  
sow it back on.

the principle grabs the chest and runs out the door.

AL GORE  
don't think this is over. you've  
just signed your own death warrant,  
because let me tell you when you  
mess with the bull you get GORED.

global harming storms out

GEORGE BUSH  
what ever, like i have any reason  
to be afraid of him.

DONALD RUMSFELD  
well their was that time he  
humiliated you in front of the  
whole school. with out even laying  
a finger on you.

GEORGE BUSH  
Donald, shut up!

DONALD RUMSFELD  
OK

LAURA LANE WELCH  
its OK gorge will think of a way to  
best him.

GEORGE BUSH  
great idea, will meet at my house  
latter to discus strategy. Laura  
bring snacks, Donald brig drinks  
and dick...(looks for dick)were is  
dick.

LAURA LANE WELCH  
um gorge dick is still a little  
upset with you. he said you two  
need some space.

DONALD RUMSFELD  
no he didn't he said he needs to  
get his head out of his ...(Laura  
gives him a dirty look.)...kitchen.

GEORGE BUSH  
you calling me fat.

DONALD RUMSFELD  
no that's all dick.

GEORGE BUSH  
it doesn't matter any ways i don't  
need that tool. i just wanted him  
to buy some ice.

DONALD RUMSFELD  
well i can buy some ice.

GEORGE BUSH  
NO! ITS NOT THE SAME!

gorge runs out of the scene trying to conceal his tears.

SCENE 8

int. bedroom

the trio are sitting in gorges room. now there is a picture  
of AL gore on gorges whiteboard.

GEORGE BUSH  
welcome ladies, to the war room.

DONALD RUMSFELD  
ha! he called you a lady

GEORGE BUSH  
quite! now lets get down to  
business, as you all know, this  
(points to AL gore with long  
pointer) is the enemy. he thinks he  
is so cool. well i have news for  
him he is cool he is very cool. but  
he is no underdog. that's the  
advantage we have.

DONALD RUMSFELD  
but aren't underdogs popularly  
expected to lose

GEORGE BUSH  
no Donald, have you never seen a  
movie before. underdogs always win.  
so we only have Wednesday and  
Thursday to get ready for the  
debates. any ideas?

LAURA LANE WELCH  
well we can practice going over  
talking points.

GEORGE BUSH  
no that wont do any good.

DONALD RUMSFELD  
we can isolate demographic groups  
that have the most chance getting  
you elected.

GEORGE BUSH  
its like your not even trying  
Donald.

LAURA LANE WELCH  
we can run the platform that you  
would be a president of the people  
for the people.

GEORGE BUSH  
no!no!no!...no! you guys arnt  
thinking political enough.

DONALD RUMSFELD  
we can go over geography

GEORGE BUSH  
and just when i thought you  
couldent get any stupider. no! we  
need a strategy that will destroy  
our opponent. a plan so perfect  
that after Friday GORE WILL BE NO  
MORE!

spot light on gorge as dramatic 80's rock music starts to  
play. slowly fog starts to roll in.

SONG "GORE NO MORE"

GEORGE BUSH  
I got to be the best and to be the  
best you got to train my victory  
will only be assured by my pain I  
only have two days but that's all I  
need ill concur my enemies with  
strength and speed and when the  
dust settles and the contest is  
decided there will be no way to  
deny it so AL has no way of knowing  
what I have in store but I promise  
you this after today gore will be  
no more

LAURA LANE WELCH  
there goes my love training for his  
victory day he is so great but I  
have to say I don't know what  
exercise has to politics but I wont  
tell him because seeing him sweat  
in spandex makes me want to grin

DONALD RUMSFELD  
there goes gorge...(gets pushed out  
of the way)

GEORGE BUSH  
I got to be the best and to be the  
best you got to train my victory  
will only be assured by my pain I  
only have three days but that's all  
I need ill concur my enemies with  
strength and speed and when the  
dust settles and the contest is  
decided there will be no way to  
deny it

EVERYONE  
so AL has no way of knowing what we  
have in store but I promise you the  
whole world will know gore will be  
no more

cut back to reality as gorge is standing on his bed in his  
final pose.

GEORGE BUSH  
yeah so something like that

LAURA LANE WELCH  
(bursting into applause)  
bravo George you've practically  
already won.

DONALD RUMSFELD  
but that isn't really a plan. im  
sticking with geography.

George rolls his eyes and jumps off the bed.

GEORGE BUSH  
can i have a word with you Donald.

Donald walks over to George. gorge puts his arm over Donald.

GEORGE BUSH  
you see Donald with dick gone im  
relying on you to be my number two  
and i don't think your giving me  
the support i need.

DONALD RUMSFELD  
but dick never supported you...  
ever

GEORGE BUSH  
see what im talking about, if you  
want to be my new bff. your gonna  
have to earn it.

DONALD RUMSFELD  
(suddenly happy)  
bff

GEORGE BUSH  
you got it. first things first why  
don't you clean my room for me.

DONALD RUMSFELD  
but your room is clean

gorge notices his room is clean, then he turns his attention  
to a lamp near him an a table. slowly he pushes it to the  
edge. it falls and breaks.

GEORGE BUSH  
there you go

DONALD RUMSFELD  
(sarcastic)  
thanks

George and Laura leave the room. alone and sad again Donald  
starts picking up the lamp

SONG: "unappreciated"

DONALD RUMSFELD  
I try so hard to get them to hear  
me but they wont but they cant I  
try all day and night I struggle  
and I fight but no matter how I try  
I'd sooner learn to fly than earn  
there love I guess I'm  
unappreciated all alone I feel so  
hated they wouldn't notice if I  
were to die I just wanna cry

barbra sees Donald from the hallway

DONALD RUMSFELD  
I'm... I'm so alone. My heart is  
stone is there anyone for me

barbra walks in the room and startles Donald.

BARBRA BUSH  
(spoken)  
sorry i dint mean to scare you. but  
i must say you have a lovely voice.

DONALD RUMSFELD  
(spoken)  
thanks its nice to get a complement  
every now and again.

BARBRA BUSH  
you know Donald you have turned  
into an exceptional young man, what  
are you now, 18?

DONALD RUMSFELD  
17

BARBRA BUSH  
close enough, you know i wouldn't  
mind being the one to appreciate  
you.

DONALD RUMSFELD  
what are you talking about

BARBRA BUSH  
you see as of late i have been  
feeling unappreciated too.

BARBRA BUSH  
(sung)  
I see the best in you and I feel  
the same way too I have a son who  
doesn't need me and a husband who  
is never there so I know what its  
like to need someone to care. So I  
guess I'm unappreciated too but  
maybe I can be unappreciated with  
you. And together you'll see we  
will heed each others needs I ll  
show you love

DONALD RUMSFELD  
maybe it isn't so wrong

BARBRA BUSH  
you will be mine

DONALD RUMSFELD  
to be with gorges mom

BARBRA BUSH  
why don't we cross the line. i  
promise it will be just fine

barbra leans in to kiss Donald but, he soon comes to his  
senses and backs away

DONALD RUMSFELD  
um sorry i have to go.

Donald runs and dives out gorges window living barbra alone.

SCENE 9

ext. ally

DICK CHANEY  
lets see whats on the agenda today

dick pulls out a day planer. one every page is written  
"whatever george is doing"

DICK CHENEY  
who needs that royal a-hole  
anyways. i have never needed anyone  
i don't need any one now.

SONG: "I'm a PUNK"

ill write it later but just know its a punk song about how  
he is a asshole. he breacks shit, tags walls, and beats  
peaple up

dick Chaney steps back and admires his work. he soon gets  
depressed and throws his spray can to the ground.

DICK CHENEY  
whats the point. its like the  
things that used to bring me joy  
just don't matter any more. its  
almost like something is missing.

then two little kids walk by licking some ice cream.

KID #1  
everything is so much fun when you  
have your best friend around.

KID #2  
of course, and will never let a  
bitch get between us.

KID #1  
true DAT

the two kids fist bump and walk off stage.

DICK CHENEY  
of course that's it!

dick runs off stage. soon we can hear the two kids screaming  
in pain. dick comes back a few minutes later with ice cream.  
he takes a few licks then drops it dissatisfied.

DICK CHENEY  
whats the point

the two boys crawl back into frame in the background, they  
are bloody and have comically broken legs.

KID #1  
just leave me

KID #2  
don't you quit on me you fagot

DICK CHANEY  
i wish the universe would give me a  
sign

KID #1  
LEAVE ME

KID #2  
noooooo! your my best friend ill  
never abandon you

dick slowly gets more annoyed until he picks up a can and  
through it at the kids it hits kid 1 in the head knocking  
him out.

KID #2  
Timmy, TIMMY, ANSWER ME TINY TIM...  
YOU BASTARD YOU KILLED HIM YOU  
KILLED MY BEST FRIEND.

DICK CHENEY  
SHUT UP OVER THERE IM TRYING TO  
HAVE AN ANTIPHON

KID #2  
ILL KILL YOU YOU SON OF A WHORE

KID #1  
BRO ITS OK IM ALIVE

KID #2  
i thought you were dead

KID #1  
no just a conclusion

KID #2  
oh thank god

KID #1  
yeah just some minor brain  
swelling.

dick's concentration is broken and he stands in a rage

DICK CHENEY  
i told you to shut up

dick starts punching kid 2 in the face

KID #1  
leave him alone you brute

DICK CHENEY  
you want some

dick throws kid 2 down and starts beating up kid 2

DICK CHENEY  
you damn kids, i wish i had more  
arms... if only George was  
here..(realization sets in) that's  
it... i have to go please continue  
to die.

dick runs off. the kids are left in silence for a moment  
then dolly parton walks up to the kids.

DOLLY PARTON  
sorry about that i thought he would  
get the message sooner.

KID #2  
glad we could help.

KID #1  
im tired.

DOLLY PARTON  
well here is the money i promised.

KID #2  
woo money look Timmy we are rich

KID #1  
lets all take naps who wants a nap

a stray dog wonders into frame and starts eating kid 2's  
shoe.

KID #2  
look Timmy a puppy, he likes me

Timmy is asleep

KID #2  
Timmy Timmy... he is sleepy

DOLLY PARTON  
im gonna be going now

KID #2  
who's a good boy, ill call you  
shakira.

dick chaney runs back then grabs the money that dolly left.

KID #2  
hay!

dick doesnt care he is running on a mission.

SONG: we will fight

DICK CHANEY  
i can finally see, what was in  
front of me. my friends were there,  
but i wouldnt care. now i see that  
its up to me to finnish the fight.  
because i have wanted this fight  
for so ver long. and i stand  
assured i stand strong. im ready to  
fight im ready to attacke. so wait  
for me george im coming back

INT: georges room

george is doing the olimpic rings. he falls and looks up at  
a picture of dick

SONG: i need my dick

GEORGE BUSH  
I need my dick is that what you  
want me to say

he knocks over the picture

GEORGE BUSH  
well newsflash.I dont miss my dick  
at all, he can suck my balls I dont  
miss my dick near me, he can go and  
blow me because you see its true I  
dont need you even though it dont  
seem that say

GEORGE BUSH  
but i cant get him out of my mind

DICK CHENEY  
I won't will be there soon just  
wait for me

GEORGE BUSH  
not in a gay way its just good  
friends are hard to find

DICK CHENEY  
that idiot is a jerk but he is my  
bro

BOTH  
in the end i guess

GEORGE BUSH  
I still need my friend

EXT: outside georges window

laura is peering in and has seen georges pain. george gets  
up and walks out of the room.

SONG: does it make me crazy

LAURA LANE WELCH  
when I was young, my mom said to  
stay true to who you are to never  
give up, and if you are strong true  
love wont be far but i feel just as  
far away is i ever have i want to  
help him with the pain that he has  
but the truth is George wont let me  
help so im stuck on the side line

DICK CHANEY  
wait for me george

LAURA LANE WELCH  
does it make me crazy that want to  
see him smile

DICK CHANEY  
i swear im not far away

LAURA LANE WELCH  
and does it make me crazy that i  
for him id run a mile

DICK CHANEY  
this time i swear i wont stray

LAURA LANE WELCH  
and does it make me crazy that i  
want to hold him for a while. well  
maybe just a little

EXT: sidewalk

goerge is walking down the street.

SONG: Gore no more

GEORGE BUSH  
I got to shape up to get on the  
vitory train dolly said, so no  
point in focusing on my pain I  
trained for two days so al better  
head ill concur him with strength  
and speed and when the dust settles  
and the contest is decided there  
will be no way to deny it so AL has  
no way of knowing what I have in  
store but I promise you this after  
today gore will be no more

EXT: sidewalk

dick runs down the street

Song: im a punk

DICK CHANEY  
dont worry dont worry because im  
racing like a bat out of hell and  
im about take them down as well

then stops to catch his breath. he looks up at a sighn.

DICK CHANEY  
but im just a punk so i wont change  
right away

he walks into the building

pan out and we see its a strip club

dolly is watching george go by from the from behind a  
fountain

Song: shape up kid

DOLLY PARTON  
i love that kid  
he is the last chance ill get  
i love that kid  
cause i might get into heaven yet  
if i just believe  
cause i have no time to grieve  
ill find im victorious in the end

barbra comes up from behind and pushes dolly's head down  
trying to see her son.

she doesnt notice she is drowing dolly

SONG: unipreciated

BARBRA BUSH  
I see the best in you i hope you  
make it through I have a son who is  
fighting now and his friend will be  
there too so I will there watching  
you so please take care.

cut to george

as george walks donald starts walking beside him on one side  
and laura on the other.

ALL THREE  
the dye is cast, and our turn has  
come now its time for us to show  
everyone the fire in our souls will  
never go away we will rise up and  
rule the day

they walk into the school. the camera pans over and we see  
al gore looking at the trio from a window

INT: nice office

AL GORE  
they should stop fooling them selfs  
before they wreck them selfs they  
better watch there back before I  
attack cause im done playing nice  
there gonna find out quick that we  
are global harming and they can  
suck our dick

INT: strip club

DICK CHANEY  
so we'll find a way to make them  
see.

INT: hallway

george laura and donald walk down the hall toeards the  
auditorium.

EVERYONE  
that it is all about no  
matter what they say its going to  
be OUR way and WE'RE going to own  
this school

SCENE 10

INT: school auditorium

the school auditorium is highly decorated making it look  
more like a mix between a boxing arena and a presidential  
debate room.

cut to two cliche looking announcers sitting at a fancy  
desk.

JOHN MADSMEN  
good morning i am john madsmen, and  
this is my partner Fox Newsson.  
newson?

FOX NEWSON  
food stamps are for pussies!

JOHN MADSMEN  
thanks fox, its finally hear the  
moment we have been waiting all  
week for. today we are going to  
guide you through the action as  
these two hopefuls will duke it out  
for the title of the president of  
the united states... of high  
school.

FOX NEWSON  
i celebrate Christmas, the way god  
intended. with a shotgun and a pile  
of hookers.

JOHN MADSMEN  
interesting analysis newson. AL  
gore and his Eco friendly platform  
will go up against the mildly  
retarded underdog gorge bush. today  
in the presidential debates. its a  
pretty one sided fight don't you  
think newson.

john looks at fox waiting a response

FOX NEWSON  
don't stare at me queer

JOHN MADSMEN  
oh fox, the debates are the last  
chance to sway voters, because  
right after the debates the polls  
will open and we will have a  
winner. im sure everyone is equally  
excited tonight fox.

FOX NEWSON  
equally excited! that sounds like  
some communist bullshit to me john.

fox pulls out a revolver and pistol whips john. john spits  
up some blood, but continues to smile and laugh.

JOHN MADSMEN  
oh fox.

INT: backstage

gorge and Donald are freaking out.

GEORGE BUSH  
i got this. i got this. AL might  
win the debate, but i got the  
athletic triathlon down.

LAURA LANE WELCH  
but gorge there isn't an athletic  
triathlon.

gorge runs over and grabs Donald by the throat.

GEORGE BUSH  
why didn't you tell me sooner you  
idiot. Ive been spending the past  
two days training.

LAURA LANE WELCH  
gorge your killing him.

gorge drops Donald who falls to the floor. he immediately  
adapts a thinking pose.

GEORGE BUSH  
there is still time ill come up  
with a counterpoint to every one of  
his platforms. i just need 10  
minutes.

SPEAKER VOICE  
the debates will start in 5  
minutes.

GEORGE BUSH  
SHIT!

Donald gets back up

DONALD RUMSFELD  
we will think of a way George don't  
worry.

GEORGE BUSH  
easy for to say you don't have to  
go out there.

DONALD RUMSFELD  
i don't! oh thank god.

Laura hands a paper to George.

LAURA LANE WELCH  
here use this.

GEORGE BUSH  
thank you

George starts beating Donald with the paper.

LAURA LANE WELCH  
no George, i made this last night.  
its a cheat sheet for you.

George looks it over

GEORGE BUSH  
this is perfect

LAURA LANE WELCH  
oh it was no big deal. i just  
researched every government since  
7500 b.c. and compiled there  
success and short comings to make a  
short list of government dos and  
don't s

GEORGE BUSH  
wow!

George takes a couple seconds to admire the paper.

DONALD RUMSFELD  
what if they ask you about  
geography.

George starts hitting Donald with the paper again

GEORGE BUSH  
YOU KNOW WHAT GET IN THE HALLWAY  
GO! GO! GO!

INT: hallway

GEORGE BUSH  
you know what you did

George bushes Donald in the hall and slams the door

Donald leans up against a door and pouts.

DONALD RUMSFELD  
i didn't want to help anyway. worst  
birthday ever...

the door opens and an ominous hand pulls Donald in.

INT: backstage

GEORGE BUSH  
he acts like that because you let  
him sit on the furniture

LAURA LANE WELCH  
George your on

GEORGE BUSH  
oh!

George runs on stage.

cut to the commentators. john is eating glass, while fox is  
holding a broken bear bottle.

FOX NEWSON  
eat all the glass john

JOHN MADSMEN  
it hurts

FOX NEWSON  
good.

they notice they are live

JOHN MADSMEN  
welcome back we are about to start  
the first round of debates. any  
last comments fox.

john coughs up blood. fox puts his hand in the blood and  
rubs it all over his face.

JOHN MADSMEN  
very insightful john

INT: main stage

Al Gore walks out to his podium along the way he hams it up  
for the audience.

JOHN MADSMEN  
(V.O.)  
there he is. the favorite to win it  
all the incredibly charismatic Eco  
friendly machine AL GORE!

George walks in next he is awkward and doesn't know were he  
is going.

FOX NEWSON  
(V.O.)  
there's that fagot

long pause

JOHN MADSMEN  
(V.O.)  
common give me something fox.

sounds can be heard indicating a struggle

FOX NEWSON  
what was that you basted.

JOHN MADSMEN  
i dint mean it im s...AW!

FOX NEWSON  
damn right your sorry you communist  
bitch.

cut to a shot of the principle standing on the the stage in  
front of the podium.

over his shoulder we can see john hanging by a noose he gets  
pulled back up as he struggles.

PRINCIPAL  
alright lets get this over with.

the principal takes a swig from a flask and reads from some  
note cards.

THE PRINCIPLE  
the first question is for AL gore.  
On Monday, April 1, 1991, at  
23:30,(takes a few seconds to read  
the card)

gorge flips through his papers until he finds the page with  
the info on the subject.

THE PRINCIPLE  
(cont.)  
i don't know some German dude was  
shot. so what would you do  
about...(sighs) you know what this  
question is too long.

a long silence

AL GORE  
excuse me?

THE PRINCIPLE  
you heard me

George turns to Laura who is standing at the edge of the  
curtain.

GEORGE BUSH  
(whispering)  
he is obviously asking about  
Rohwedder( a German manager and  
politician)who was shot and killed.  
and the political implications of  
his death. what an idiot

cut back to AL gore. who looks to be very nervous until that  
cool guy look goes back into his eyes.

AL GORE  
every one i would like to bring to  
your attention what has just  
transpired. this man had a job to  
do but because of the constant  
struggle he endures he has failed  
to do something so simple. this is  
a perfect metaphor for... global  
warming

GEORGE BUSH  
crap

AL GORE  
the ungrateful swine that walk  
these halls.

RANDOM VOICE IN BACK  
THAT'S US!

AL GORE  
are like a pollution that ware on  
our once youth fool and beautiful  
principle.

cut to the principal that has a tear in his eye

THE PRINCIPLE  
i was beautiful

cut back

AL GORE  
do you want this planet to end up  
like this man

RANDOM VOICE IN BACK  
HELL NO!

AL GORE  
then vote for me and we can do our  
part. and maybe one day the world  
will fallow OUR example. AND ON  
THAT DAY EVERYONE ONE OF YOU CAN  
TAKE IN A MOUTH FULL OF CLEAN AIR.  
AND REMEMBER WHEN YOU BECAME HEROES  
OF THE PLANET.

crowd stands up and cheers.

cut to a kid about to through away a paper cup in the trash.  
he stops and takes the few extra steps to through his cup in  
the recycling. turns to AL gore and salutes him.

cut back to the stage. gore is eating it up while George is  
obviously annoyed.

GEORGE BUSH  
common can we get on with this...  
hello

the crowd is still cheering.

GEORGE BUSH  
his answer had nothing to do with  
Rohwedder.

George crosses his arms and starts pouting.

AL sees this. he smiles at George and then puts his palm out  
silencing the crowd

AL GORE  
they are all yours

cut back to the principal who wipes his eyes.

THE PRINCIPLE  
the messiah is right. we have to  
ask the idiot questions too. are  
you ready idiot?

GEORGE BUSH  
i was born ready (to AL) watch this  
you don't have a chance.

gorge is holding up his political book as he says this.

cut to the principal who takes a card from a nerdy kid.

THE PRINCIPLE  
OK this better be short.(reads the  
card) what is the capital of Spain.

George takes a few seconds

GEORGE BUSH  
wait what!

SCENE 11

INT: supply closet.

close up on Donald face as he slowly wakes up. soon he opens  
his eyes and is very shocked

the camera zooms out and we see that barbra bush is on his  
lap mere inches away from his face with her own.

BARBRA BUSH  
looking for a good time

DONALD RUMSFELD  
...no

BARBRA BUSH  
to bad

shot from just outside of the door

DONALD RUMSFELD  
NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

INT: stage

George has a look on his face that looks like a little kid  
who didn't get his way

AL GORE  
and that my good friends is how  
solar panels work.

crowd cheers

cut to principal

THE PRINCIPLE  
OK other guy. what is the capital  
of Canada

GEORGE BUSH  
WHO GIVES A FUCK!

fuck is censored by microphone feedback

THE PRINCIPLE  
answear the question

George shrugs his shoulders.

GEORGE BUSH  
quebec

THE PRINCIPLE  
sorry its Ottawa

george tries to turn it around

GEORGE BUSH  
OK but if we the school had better  
funding for school programs for  
geo...

THE PRINCIPLE  
shut up.

THE PRINCIPLE  
golden child. foreign policy is  
very important. who would you  
handle the other schools in our  
district.

AL GORE  
global warming

the crowd cheers. the principal throws the note cards up in  
the air and begins to clap. after he is done the principal  
waves the nerdy kid over and points to the ground.

the nerdy kid picks up the card and hands it to the  
principal. he takes a few steps to leave and then is pulled  
back

THE PRINCIPLE  
its blank

the nerdy kid flips the card over.

THE PRINCIPLE  
get out of here. OK final question  
goes to... him (points)

GEORGE BUSH  
does it matter?

THE PRINCIPLE  
no. what is the capital of Finland.

GEORGE BUSH  
Helsinki

THE PRINCIPLE  
very good... not that it matters

GEORGE BUSH  
kill yourself

INT: comentator room

cut to the commentators, john is very beaten up and has a  
tube in his throat.

fox looks like Rambo and is sharping a knife.

john puts up a a poster board that reads. "wow that was  
amazing, any comment john.

john looks up from his knife then at the poster. he looks  
down at johns hand that is still on the table. he stabs it  
with the knife.

john flips the poster over it reads "ow"

INT: backstage

George bursts behind the curtain very upset.

GEORGE BUSH  
WERE IS DONALD!

DONALD RUMSFELD  
right here

Donald walks into frame and starts buttoning his shirt up.

GEORGE BUSH  
you jinxed us with that stupid  
geography talk

DONALD RUMSFELD  
im sorry.

GEORGE BUSH  
your sorry i have been getting  
raped for the last thirty minutes  
do you know what that is like.

DONALD RUMSFELD  
well...yes

gorge head butts him to the ground.

GEORGE BUSH  
don't get smart with me! stupid  
geography.

NERDY KID  
hay i resent that

gorge turns to see the nerdy kid.

also from this new prospective we can see Donald getting  
dragged out of the room by barbra for more sexing

GEORGE BUSH  
what

NERDY KID  
i worked very hard on those

GEORGE BUSH  
why would you have have geography  
questions in a political debate?

NERDY KID  
to raise interest in the geography  
club! i made sure that the  
geography question were every other  
question. that way they would be  
distributed properly... oh wait

George bush punches him

GEORGE BUSH  
IM SURROUNDED BY IDIOTS!

he takes a deep breath

GEORGE BUSH  
its OK gorge calm down stop  
assaulting people indiscriminately.

Laura comes from behind George's back and gives him a back  
rub

LAURA LANE WELCH  
that's the spirit we still got this

for a moment George looks reinvigorated. but then it fades.

GEORGE BUSH  
who are we kidding, we never had a  
chance. im starting to think that  
being an underdog isn't an  
advantage at all. lets just quit.

DICK CHENEY  
you cant. not now

George twirls around to see dick standing before him. the  
camera slows down it looks as if he is a god.

GEORGE BUSH  
you came

DICK CHENEY  
ill always come for you

NERDY KID  
(from the floor)  
gay!

both dick and George stomp the nerdy kid.

GEORGE BUSH  
just like old times.

beat box handshake

DICK CHENEY  
listen George im sorry. we never  
should have let a girl get between  
us. especially since she hasn't had  
any screen time since act one.

GEORGE BUSH  
your right... you should be sorry.

Laura gives George a nudge

GEORGE BUSH  
and im sorry too, i guess im kinda  
a control freak maybe its why i  
have such a jerk as my best friend.  
but you remind me its OK to lose  
control every know and then. that's  
probably why you gravitated to me  
to. to get some control in your  
life.

DICK CHENEY  
no its because your mom has a nice  
rack.

GEORGE BUSH  
oh

DICK CHENEY  
don't worry i would never try  
anything. only a real man could  
handle that

over Georges shoulder we can see Donald trying to run away  
he is dragged back in by a rope tired to his ankle.

GEORGE BUSH  
right, if its any consolation you  
are a real man

DICK CHENEY  
thank you

gorge puts his hand on dicks shoulder and starts squeezing

GEORGE BUSH  
so strong. like zues the god of  
thunder. or pothos god of sexual  
longing and yearning

dick puts his hand on gorges shoulder.

DICK CHENEY  
and desire

NERDY KID

GAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY  
YY!

the two start stomping him again and this time they don't  
stop

INT: supply closet

Donald and barbra are under a blanket Donald looks  
accomplished. barbra looks ravished she takes out five  
cigarettes and smokes them all. Donald talks in a deep manly  
voice

DONALD RUMSFELD  
that was great. i enjoyed it a lot  
more the second time. i wonder why?

BARBRA BUSH  
first of all just because you had  
sex doesn't mean your a man.

Donald goes back to talking normal

DONALD RUMSFELD  
sorry, noted

BARBRA BUSH  
and secondly you probably enjoyed  
it more because you got to do the  
penetrating.

DONALD RUMSFELD  
yeah i don't like it when you do  
it.

Donald looks around nervously. then cheesy music starts  
playing and the camera slowly zooms in on him

DONALD RUMSFELD  
listen barbra i wanted to say that  
i think this is the closest i have  
ever been to any one. literally  
even (he laughs at his own  
joke)what im trying to get at is. i  
think i might... i mean i think i  
might be in... you know...LO...

barbra puts her finger in Donald's mouth. record scratch

BARBRA BUSH  
let me stop you there. i got you  
out of my system. now i want you  
out of my life. i don't want to see  
you i don't want you to call me. if  
we see each other it better be  
because George is on fire. got it,  
OK see you around sweety.

barbra gets up and walks out taking the blanket with her

DONALD RUMSFELD  
pen pals then!

INT: backstage

the duo are still stomping the nerd.

they hear the intercom and finally stop kicking

SPEAKER VOICE  
cross fire debate will start in one  
minute. presidential candidates and  
there running mates to the stage

GEORGE BUSH  
what do you say partner

DICK CHENEY  
i would love to but what about the  
others

GEORGE BUSH  
don't worry your not replacing  
anyone. laur's a girl and Donald's  
a pussy so i was just going to run  
with a week old avocado as my vp.

DICK CHENEY  
good choice, well then lets go

INT: stage

everything looks the same except there are tables instead of  
podiums.

cut to the commentators.

INT: Comintern room

a nurse comes over to john and removes his feeding tube, fox  
is holding a human heart over a bowl and his shaking his  
head relentlessly

JOHN MADSMEN  
good news every one my spinal  
paralysis was only temporary. but  
will George bush have the same luck  
and be able to get his campaign  
moving.

while john was talking fox cut a bit of johns hair and threw  
it in the bowl.

john looks as if he is getting dizzy and then touches his  
nose. he looks at it and then shows it to the camera. his  
fingers are bloody

JOHN MADSMEN  
my beautiful wife if you are  
watching. i love you. to my  
beautiful girlfriend. im sorry i  
have a wife. back to my wife im  
sorry and she meant nothing. we  
didn't even have sex i just needed  
someone to do my taxes and she was  
Jewish. i say these things because  
i feel my time is short.

FOX NEWSON  
marriage is between a man and a  
woman

JOHN MADSMEN  
WHAT EVER YOU SAY FOX NEWSON! what  
ever you say

john starts crying

INT: stage

cut to principal

THE PRINCIPLE  
OK the rules are simple. this  
computer will generate 1 million  
political topics. from the 1  
million topics, one will be  
selected and you will debate that  
topic. are you ready.

both teams nod

then the Principal presses a button on the laptop and it  
starts running through binary code

GEORGE BUSH  
don't worry dick, Laura made us  
this magic book of every political  
topic ever. there is nothing we  
can't debate.

the computer starts winding down it slowly goes through a  
couple topics like economics, taxes, war, prostitutes,  
church and state, and finally it stops on "Global Warming"

DICK CHANEY  
are kidding me

GEORGE BUSH  
what are the odds

DICK CHENEY  
1 in a million

GEORGE BUSH  
shut up!

George starts going through the book like a mad man.

DICK CHENEY  
your like a shit magnet

GEORGE BUSH  
its not in here

DICK CHENEY  
well global warming is a pretty  
recent subject.

GEORGE BUSH  
what are we going to do

THE PRINCIPLE  
since you lost the first round you  
get to chose between positive or  
negative position.

DICK CHENEY  
well its pretty obvious

GEORGE BUSH  
yeah, we will choice positive.

the crowd boos and throws eggs at them.

DICK CHENEY  
you idiot

GEORGE BUSH  
what i do

DICK CHENEY  
you just told every one you like  
global warming.

GEORGE BUSH  
what? i thought he was asking about  
my outlook. POSITIVE im a glass  
half full kinda person (to  
audience) AND WAY TO BE HYPOCRITES  
THROWING TRASH AROUND!

RANDOM VOICE IN BACK  
ITS COMPOSTABLE MATERIAL

George gets hit in the forehead with an egg he wipes it off.

GEORGE BUSH  
yeah were boned. you wanna go see a  
movie? if we leave now we can catch  
that lesbian robot movie.

dick slaps him

DICK CHENEY  
what happened to glass half full.

GEORGE BUSH  
the glass broke and was used to  
castrate me its no biggy, so lets  
go watch some lesbian robots.

DICK CHENEY  
no we are not quieting now, and  
their isn't a lesbian robot movie  
anyway.

GEORGE BUSH  
well there should be

DICK CHENEY  
just shut up for a second.

dick thinks for a second

DICK CHENEY  
i got it remember when gore got a  
question he had no idea how to  
answer.

GEORGE BUSH  
yeah, wait how did you know about  
that.

DICK CHENEY  
i have been here since the  
beginning

GEORGE BUSH  
what took you so long to talk to  
me?

DICK CHENEY  
i was looking for a dramatic  
entrance, plus i was watching  
Donald bone your mom.

GEORGE BUSH  
WHAT!

DICK CHENEY  
George focus, what im getting at is  
that instead of answering the  
question and looking like an idiot  
he ignored it and found a way to  
talk about something he knew about.

GEORGE BUSH  
PERFECT! but we are idiots we don't  
know nothing about anything.

DICK CHENEY  
well we have to think of something

GEORGE BUSH  
yeah lets do it buddy

they do there be box handshake

the turn away from each other but then immediately turn back  
to each other. they look in each other eyes. they know what  
to do.

SCENE 12

THE PRINCIPLE  
OK cross fire starts NOW

AL GORE  
the thing that we need to remember  
about global warming is a very  
large threat that will devour us  
all. and (cut off)

GEORGE BUSH  
a large threat that will devour us  
all, are we talking about global  
warming or are we talking about...  
your mom!

AL GORE  
what that was rude? i was talking  
stop being so intrusive

GEORGE BUSH  
you know who likes it when im  
intrusive...YOUR MOM

DICK CHENEY  
she likes it as much as she likes  
Saturn

GEORGE BUSH  
why does she like Saturn

DICK CHENEY  
because she is so fat that is the  
only place that has rings that can  
fit her.

GEORGE BUSH  
oh...snap astronomy

AL GORE  
what are you two up to

GEORGE BUSH  
you know exactly what we are up to

JOE LIEBERMAN  
that's funny because when i come  
over to your mom's we were up till  
two

al puts a hand on joes shoulders and gives him a stern look

the crowd gasps and then everything goes silent.

soon dick starts making a slow clicking noise. it fills the  
room

JOHN MADSMEN  
(V.O.)  
and with that it has become  
official. this cross fire has  
dramatically changed as we no  
longer have a political fight on  
our hands. what we now have is a...  
is a... IS A...

GEORGE BUSH AND AL GORE  
YO MOMMA FIGHT!

dick Chaney's clicking explodes into a beat box symphony

SONG: cross fire

GEORGE BUSH  
Oh shit, things just got real like  
your mom can suck a man like he was  
made of veal so im telling you now  
u just made a mistake just like  
your dumn mom when she made toast  
at the lake

dick Chaney makes electrocuted sounds.

GEORGE BUSH  
Yo Mama's so stupid she sold her  
car for gas money. Yes sonny. So  
fat she styles her hair with honey  
Your momma so fat she jumped  
outside and got stuck. So fat she  
stretched her arms out and killed a  
duck. Mouth so big she could  
swallow a plain so fat she jumped  
in the ocean and made it rain if  
you think you'll win, learn the  
truth cause if your a president  
then call me john wilks booth

crowd ows at the diss

AL gore just stands there then he cracks a smile. he turns  
to his VP and gives him a nod. he smiles back and flips his  
backpack from his back to his front. he unzips it and  
reveals a turntable

AL GORE  
you made yet another mistake

JOE LIEBERMAN  
there is more than one reason they  
call me little beat!

Joe unloads mixing beet boxing and turntable action.

AL GORE  
oh fool you thought you had the  
upper hand but now see your hand is  
lower just like your mom around my  
waist band now you'll know that its  
about to get hot in here and it not  
just green house gasses in the  
atmosphere because when I spit fire  
you will personally see my rhymes  
are hotter than even global warming

Joe drops the bass

AL GORE  
our momma so ugly she looked out  
side and got arrested for indecent  
exposure a blind man looked at her  
face and could't keep his composer  
your momma so fat she is on both  
sides of the family tree so much  
cholesterol her sweat is buttery  
Your mommas so fat she shops for  
her belts on Saturn so dumb she saw  
a sign that said exit left and made  
a u-turn your mommas so fat she  
tripped and went into orbit so fat  
she was the inspiration for norbit

GEORGE BUSH  
your mommas so fat she sneezed in  
new york and it was felt in japan  
so fat that she uses a hot tub as a  
boiling pan

AL GORE  
your mommas so fat she uses a  
boomerang to put on her belt so fat  
to swim she puts on an elephant  
pelt

GEORGE BUSH  
"yo mom is so dumb" she violated a  
cow trying to find the milky way  
she is so ugly that not even freto  
would give her a lay

AL GORE  
your mom is like a shot gun five  
cocks and she is loaded so dumb she  
thought a retainer was a person who  
was bloated, but there is one fact  
that is still true your momma was  
so dumb she had you

George turns his head like he was punched in the jaw.

the crowd gasps then everything goes silent

George slowly turns his head back

AL GORE  
go home little boy

GEORGE BUSH  
dont get cocky you just made it  
personal

DICK CHANEY  
damn shame what you gonna do with  
him

the boys pull out sun glasses and put them on

GEORGE BUSH  
set phazors to kill.

dick starts a low bass line with his mouth

GEORGE BUSH  
he made it personal so now i must  
warn all...

DICK CHANEY  
the personal.

GEORGE BUSH  
that we are about to inter into  
a...

DICK CHANEY  
layer of hell.

GEORGE BUSH  
this fight will end before you...

DICK CHANEY  
hear the bell.

GEORGE BUSH  
id let you live but your...

DICK CHANEY  
getting stale.

DICK CHANEY AND GEORGE BUSH  
so let me hear you yell!

Laura throws a bass and a guitar at the duo the catch them  
and start rocking out.

GEORGE BUSH  
when we set phazors to kill. you  
listen up. you little nerd. i do  
not know if you have heard. that  
midgets and men cant save you now  
the clock is slowly counting down.  
you know its true your about to  
see. that you should be afraid of  
me.

DICK CHANEY  
oooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh  
hhh you have messed up now because  
you awoke the beast and now the  
beast is angry.

GEORGE BUSH  
you don't have a chance you don't  
have chance.

DICK CHANEY  
oooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh  
hhh you will finally see that you  
should never mess with me.

AL looks pissed he snaps his throws a giant  
speaker at the stage it lands right between AL and Joe. AL  
grabs a microphone in slow motion. Joe and AL jack in.

AL GORE  
don't be absurd you don't have a  
chance. you rhythms are weaker then  
your political stance.

epic bass drop

dick and George slide back from the force of the stack.

they turn there instruments up to 10 and then they continue  
to force the nobs until they break and slide ALL THE WAY TO  
11

GEORGE BUSH  
you think this fair me against you  
you never had a chance in hell did  
you.

George kicks his debate table making it slide at AL

AL, not giving up an inch, jumps and lands on the table  
instead of backing up.

AL GORE  
i know all about hell, when i look  
at you its plain to see. only the  
devil could make something so ugly

Joe turns a nob causing the amp to feed back and sending  
their table flying at George

George jumps up but the table is upside down, so he lands on  
the legs

Georges eyes narrow and he flips the table with his feet  
like a skateboard.

now the two tables are in a line with only a foot of space  
between.

both men start walking towards each other and meet at the  
center.

GEORGE BUSH AND AL GORE  
you don't have a chance you don't  
have chance.  
you don't have a chance you don't  
have chance.

dicks guitar and joe's turn table have a battle just beside  
them.

dick wins sending Joe flying by swinging his guitar over his  
shoulder. and hitting joe's jaw

Joe lands on Al's table and AL kneels down to help him up

dick jumps on the table and the duo start advancing.

AL gore falls back and the duo advances

cut to Laura watching from the curtain. Donald bursts in and  
he is buttoning up his shirt, again.

DONALD RUMSFELD  
what i miss?

LAURA LANE WELCH  
they have them on the ropes

DONALD RUMSFELD  
wait what is she doing

cut to Helga who is pulling out a brief case. she opens it  
cracks an evil smile

inside the case is a solid gold microphone. she closes her  
eyes and concentrates. we hear disembodiment voice of her  
grandfather.

GRANDFATHER  
Helga i have trained you well, but  
promise me that you will only use  
your gift to help those who truly  
need it... that or to win a trivial  
high school election that no on  
gives a shit about

HELGA  
(V.O.)  
i will grandpa

GRANDFATHER  
OMG SHUT UP! YOUR SO STUPID

Helga opens her eyes and grabs the mic she runs to the stage

cut back to Laura and Donald

DONALD RUMSFELD  
i don't like the look of that.

Donald runs off

LAURA LANE WELCH  
Donald!

cut back to the guys who have AL and Joe on the very edge of  
the table.

al and joe try and stand up, but that only makes them lose  
their balance and they fall back in slow motion.

Helga catches them both with one hand, and then she takes in  
a deep breath.

dick and George raise eyebrows

Donald walks by the principal and snatches the mic from his  
hand

Helga lets out a wale that causes the duo to go flying

from top down we see dick and George fly through the air  
side by side. they are defeated.

but then Donald slides on his knees underneath them.

the duo lands at the other end of the table but Donald picks  
up the fight. getting in a sing off with Helga in the center  
of the tables

Helga lets out a high note

but then Donald lets out an incredibly loud and incredibly  
high whale.

its beautiful. it causes lights to burst and speakers to  
explode. all in slow motion. if you look close you can see a  
dove fly

gorge and dick look on in amazement. both start nodding  
their head in approval

GEORGE BUSH  
that's my boy!

Helga starts to be pushed back by the his voice

focus on him as his whale dies down.

at the edge of the table Helga, AL, and Joe all sway for a  
minute and then dick Donald and George walk up to them and  
blow them down.

the crowd erupts

INT: commentator room

JOHN MADSMEN  
i am speechless people i have no  
idea what any of that had to do  
with politics, but gosh darnt it,  
if i told you i wasn't hard as a  
rock right now id be lying... but  
what is this?

cut to a shot of the audience witch has only 2 people in it.

JOHN MADSMEN  
it appears that a large majority of  
the audience has left, what could  
have happened to them.

cut to john who puts his hand on his ear.

JOHN MADSMEN  
wait a minute i am getting some  
information... i see. i just got  
word from a representative from the  
audience. he said that they left  
because of quote "all the singing,  
what is this a musical, because  
musicals are super dupper gay" end  
quote.

FOX NEWSON  
i agree, singing fagots

JOHN MADSMEN  
what a shocking turn of events i  
wonder how it will all play out.

INT: stage

al and his gang climb to their feet. the principle comes out  
and notices the kids are missing, except the nerdy kid and a  
pot head

THE PRINCIPLE  
what we only have two kids here.  
what ever lets get this over with.  
who do you vote for

he points at the nerdy kid who is in a wheel chair.

NERDY KID  
well i think AL gore has some  
practical ideas that are very well  
planned out. George bush on the  
other hand broke every bone in my  
body

George and dick high five

NERDY KID  
so i think i will side with AL  
gore.

THE PRINCIPLE  
thanks, i didn't need your life  
story, but thanks. you, bob marly  
your next

he points at the pot head who is wearing a bob marly shirt  
and has dreads

the stoner looks around for a few minutes before he realizes  
he is bob marly

BOB MARLY  
oh im not bob marly but i love his  
work... how did you know.

THE PRINCIPLE  
im physic. just answer the question

BOB MARLY  
wow, that's trippy dude. but if you  
know what im thinking ill just beam  
it to you.

bob closes his eyes and starts making laser noises.

THE PRINCIPLE  
AL or George!

BOB MARLY  
wow man don't trip. my votes with  
George. your bass solo had balls.

THE PRINCIPLE  
riveting. anyone else

the principal looks around

THE PRINCIPLE  
well then i guess this ends in a  
tie. you both can be president

AL GORE  
i protest good Sr

GEORGE BUSH  
what he said!

THE PRINCIPLE  
fine then ill just pick someone

AL GORE  
that isn't fair

GEORGE BUSH  
I'm game

THE PRINCIPLE  
(points at AL)  
him

GEORGE BUSH  
wait this isn't fair! there has to  
be some one here. HELLO! HELLO!

then a voice drifts in from the back

VOICE  
im here

everyone turns

from the back a girl appears she steps forward shyly

THE PRINCIPLE  
girl whats your name

FLORIDA  
Florida

THE PRINCIPLE  
then it is decided Florida will  
decide it all.

AL makes a smug look at George then slicks his hair back and  
steps toward the girl.

SONG: pick me

light piano music plays

AL GORE  
in my life i have never wanted any  
thing more. here you are in front  
of me able to grant me what i long  
for.

he embraces her and begins to dance with her

AL GORE  
can you hear my heart  
beauty inspires. pick me and you'll  
feel my hearts fire. so now i need  
you and that i am true. so pick me  
and you'll see. how wonderful i can  
beeeeeeeee

FLORIDA  
(in a daze)  
i pick... i pick

GEORGE BUSH  
WAIT!

George bush steps forward.

GEORGE BUSH  
i may not be the coolest or the  
strongest or slyist. my looks leave  
something to be desired. i can  
hardly inspire, but there is one  
thing that is still true. if you  
pick me ill give youuuuuuuuuu... 20  
bucks

FLORIDA  
deal

AL GORE  
wait what. that's not legal tell  
him that's not legal.

THE PRINCIPLE  
its true that is clearly bribery

camera pans out a bit and we see that barbra bush is behind  
the principle.

THE PRINCIPLE  
and im OK with that. George bush  
congratulations

George gives a nod then he turn to the rest of the group

GEORGE BUSH  
guys we did it

Georges group erupts in celebration.

AL GORE  
THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS. THIS IS A  
BLATANT INSULT ON EVERYTHING THAT  
THIS GRATE NATION I DEMAND A REDO

while AL rages in the background George address his group.

GEORGE BUSH  
it was long and hard. but in the  
end we came...

DICK CHANEY  
phrasing

GEORGE BUSH  
we accomplished our mission

DONALD RUMSFELD  
wow, im so happy for you two

dick and George give each other a look.

GEORGE BUSH  
you know Donald we couldn't have  
done it with out you. you really  
came...

DICK CHANEY  
phrasing

GEORGE BUSH  
you helped out a lot

DONALD RUMSFELD  
you mean it

GEORGE BUSH  
yep, congratulations Donald. i am  
officially not ashamed of you  
anymore.

Donald gets super happy.

DONALD RUMSFELD  
you mean it!

GEORGE BUSH  
of course, im proud of you and  
nothing you can do will ever change  
that.

DICK CHANEY  
he slept with your mom

George cocks his arm back Donald braces for the impact. but  
George stops.

GEORGE BUSH  
you know what i still cant hit you

DICK CHANEY  
i can

dick punches Donald. he grabs his left eye

GEORGE BUSH  
yeah i can too

George hits him too. Donald falls to the floor and  
immediately gets back up holding his eyes.

DONALD RUMSFELD  
well at least that was the first  
time i deserved to be hit. i guess  
we go back to the way things were

GEORGE BUSH  
that's the spirit.

AL burst into there little group and holds George by the  
collar.

AL GORE  
listen up you maggot, this is not  
over i will be back. you will pay.

AL lets go of him and starts pointing at everyone.

AL GORE  
you will all pay, for letting this  
idiot ruin everything. i hope  
global warming kills you all I WANT  
A REDO

George grabs a bow staff almost magically from out of frame.  
he twirls it about a bit and he hits AL right in the nuts..

AL GORE  
why!

GEORGE BUSH  
because unlike you i do add insult  
to injury.

his group laughs.

AL GORE  
that's not even that funny

GEORGE BUSH  
shut up! we won and you suck... i  
like the sound of that

SONG: we won and you suck

another song ill right later.

this song is basically "we are the champions" if your  
wondering.

at the end of the song Laura grabs Georges hat pulls him in  
and kisses him. she uses the hat to cover their faces. after  
the shock has worn off George kisses her back. he grabs the  
hat and throws it. then he swings her into the classic  
romantic kissing pose.

SONG: George bush the musical (we won and you suck reprise)

gorge bush the musical plays as the whole cast sings it  
dramatically. the credits roll as this song is performed.  
the credits only stop every now and then for dialogue  
breaks.

dialogue break #1

a flip flop flies and hits Donald in the back of the head.  
he turns and is shocked

DONALD RUMSFELD  
Margret!

we cut to Donald's trusty googly eyed pillow. the pillow has  
a rolling pin, rollers, and a pink robe. it looks pissed.

DONALD RUMSFELD  
i swear she meant nothing to me!

the rolling pin flies and hits him in the face.

as Donald hunches over in pain, freeze frame on his face.  
were an actor credit pops up

back to singing and dancing

then dialogue break #2

dolly parton is behind the group of dancers. she nods at her  
handy work then turns to make an exit

VOICE OF GOD  
dolly my child

dolly stops and looks up

DOLLY PARTON  
god is that you

VOICE OF GOD  
yes my child it is me, and i am  
proud.

wings manifest on dolly's back and and she starts ascending  
towards heaven

VOICE OF GOD  
you have been absolved of your past  
sins, so return to my side and feel  
my love

DOLLY PARTON  
do you mean it god, can it be true

VOICE OF GOD  
NO!

dolly hits the stage lights and starts sizzling

VOICE OF GOD  
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!

freeze on dolly for here credit

more song and dance

dialogue break # 3

cut to the principal and barbra bush just watching the dance

THE PRINCIPLE  
this is stupid i hate these kids so  
much.

BARBRA BUSH  
wanna go have anonymous sex.

he shrugs his shoulders. like there are worse things to do

freeze frame credit you know the drill

song

break #4

Helga and Joe are patting AL on the back as he still holds  
his testicles.

AL GORE  
this movie sucks. its full of plot  
holes, like what happened to  
condolizza rice. seriously i hope  
any one who likes this move. gets  
eaten by evil turtles.

freeze frame credits

more song

Break #5

INT: commutators box

JOHN MADSMEN  
what a astounding turn of events.  
and even though i had to go through  
hell to witness it i am glad i had  
the chance to see it first hand.  
now if you excuse me im getting out  
of here before i get raped... again

freeze frame credits john and fox

song

break #6

bob marly the nerdy kid and Florida are all still sitting in  
the audience. bob marly is laughing hysterically

BOB MARLY  
this is great man

NERDY KID  
is this almost over im losing  
interest.

FLORIDA  
just a little bit more. they are  
almost done.

freeze frame credit

the song wraps up and the four friends turn to each other.

LAURA LANE WELCH  
im glad everything turned out the  
way it did

she hugs George tight

GEORGE BUSH  
we have a long road ahead of us.

DONALD RUMSFELD  
this was so fun i don't want it to  
end

DICK CHANEY  
i wounder what the elections will  
be like next year.

GEORGE BUSH  
i don't know

from out of thin air CONDOLEEZZA rice appears

CONDOLEEZZA RICE  
hay George i heard your president  
now. that's hot

George brings Laura in tight

GEORGE BUSH  
sorry but i realized who is truly  
important

CONDOLEEZZA RICE  
GAY! how about you dick

DICK CHANEY  
keep walking slut

she shrugs it off

CONDOLEEZZA RICE  
Casper how about you

DONALD RUMSFELD  
sorry but im already in a rather  
strange love triangle.

CONDOLEEZZA RICE  
racist

DONALD RUMSFELD  
what?

CONDOLEEZZA RICE  
what ever i have a new boy friend  
any way

then i tall dark figure burst through the group. ITS BARRACK  
OBAMA

BARRACK OBAMA  
whats happening everyone. i just  
transferred from Chicago.

freeze farm on the groups confused faces and give out those  
Delicious credits.

fade to black

cut the kids who were beat up by dick before. the are still  
there even though it vary late.

KID #2  
hello, has any one seen my dog  
shikira. he is brown, beautiful and  
has my foot. hello also my buddy is  
starting to smell like baloney...  
hello

give them credits but don't freeze frame

fade to black

its over go home


End file.
